This insight has impacted my life, and relationships with others greatly over the last year or so.
I was reminded to it again today, when I had a coaching call with an amazing guy, and he expressed how much he appreciated that he felt heard and deeply listened to.
There is something really great, when we show up genuinely interested in the other person. And two strangers can create a bond surprisingly quickly.
I decided to shot a quick video sharing this distinction between really listening, and “listening” that had a profound impact on my relationships.
I truly believe that listening fully is a gift we can give to others (and ourselves as well).
Many times when we are with an other person, instead of giving our full attention to them, we are lost in our thinking, waiting for our turn to speak.
Have you ever experienced that when you talk, and someone cuts you off, or you can just see they arent really listening to you, but eagerly wait for their turn?
How do you like those conversations? How much do you feel heard?
And now think back of a memory when you were with someone who deeply listened. You felt heard. You felt that they were genuinely interested in you.
How did you feel then? Did you feel deeper connection with that person in that moment?
That’s the power of deep listening, of really being with an other human soul.
I like to draw this distinction with my coaching clients as well:
- You can either be here and be lost in your thinking, focusing your attention on your thoughts
- Or you can listen fully, just like you would listen to a music, just taking it in through your ears, and put your attention on what the other person wants to share.
When we listen to music to enjoy it, we are not analyzing it. We are just being with it, and taking it in through our ears. That’s the way to listen to others as well.
So a practical thing to take from this article:
Next time when you are with an other person just notice where is your attention. Are you fully listening, giving this gift to the other person? Or are you lost in your own thinking, not really paying attention to them?
And when you notice you are in your thinking, just put your attention back on them. You might have to do it several times, but that’s fine, we are humans, and we have thinking going on in our head, that can take our attention away from the present moment.
